Daily Musings: Negotiating with Yourself

I believe this picture represents the interesting internal struggle I had negotiating with myself these last few weeks. It's felt like an impossible journey to a destination I couldn't really see but I was positive bright blue skies waited for me once I "made it". 

Besides deciding to plow ahead with my new book, and promising to stay on top of my blog posts, I switched jobs. Should it have been a surprise that my life would become chaotic? No. Did I think I would be able to handle it? Totally. Was I on the verge of a panic attack a week later? Yes. 

I wish I could say I found a way to handle the changes overnight through yoga but it was not as simple as that. It took some cold hard negotiation with what I saw as my ideal self over a four week period. I started out small with simply making it my priority to get to bed on time. This proved to be a monumental first step and took me about five days to achieve (stress was making it hard for me to fall asleep). Then slowly I began to work my way up from that. 

I have since met my ideal self halfway where I dedicate at least an hour every day for writing, stay on top of housework and find time to bake. I've had to come to terms with the fact that my new job does not give me the free time I once enjoyed.

I've had to relearn that I cannot do it all. This is where negotiation comes in to help determine what you will spend the precious hours of the day on. Negotiating with yourself is difficult because you are so tempted to just do what you want and not what you need to do. Worst of all is that you know exactly what buttons to push with yourself. So as cliche as it is to say you can become your own worst enemy. 

I have managed to go from feeling overwhelmed and stressed to feeling like myself again. It's funny how seemingly simple things (like a new job) can throw your world upside down. 

However, I should note these last few weeks have not been a solely negative experience. I've learned that cooking is how I unwind, that spending time with friends is more therapeutic than a massage and most shockingly of all, that I can skip out on TV and still survive. I've traded free time for a more fulfilling job and my lifestyle has had to adjust accordingly. More importantly, I gave myself the time to get used to these changes (note: slow and steady wins the race).

To those out there who are also struggling with similar problems please know there is always hope. It will take some hard work and internal struggle but you can find a solution - it just takes a bit of negotiation.